hilario melisenda: Seeing it on paper - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction ...

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Yesterday, 11:53 AM

? #1 (permalink)

Member

Join Date: Feb 2007

Location: Out on a MTB trail somewhere

Posts: 177

Seeing it on paper

Ive found that I randomly get sad and want to run after the AXBF and whine & cry and say "see me, just tell me I'm OK and that you care about me" When I get this way I know rationally I'm not really sad about him I'm just feeling those feelings from childhood that I have not successfully delt with. So, to get me back to reality I write down/make a list of the things I liked and things I disliked about my AXBF. Even if I have to write it down daily it helps me concretely see that I don't miss him nor the relationship I'm just uncomfortable like a little kid with my feelings about myself. My list in case anyone wants to know includes only 7 positives : good looking, good kisser, handy with home improvement things, bought me things, can fix cars, affectionate when present, knows computers/technology. My list of dislikes included 20 to 21 things : his drinking, inability to validate my feelings, lack of interest in my life, not making time to talk/check in with each other, overall communication, self-centered, financially irresponsible, calling only when drunk or after his more important things were done(ie drink), different priorities he slept all day or most of day on weekends I like to get up go mountain biking have brunch ect., misses work frequently, lives with a roomate, no savings, does things for others bc he has an alterior motive not bc he wants to give back to community, bedroom issues, not supportive emotionally, couldn't joke around with me, he likes to isolate, my friends dislike him, doesn't take care of his dog. I could and will probably add more. Reading this quickly reaffirms to me I DO NOT LIKE this man. Now back to working on me bc when I do I won't feel so bad anymore.

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Yesterday, 11:58 AM

? #3 (permalink)

Member

Join Date: Dec 2010

Location: Midwest, USA

Posts: 530

Quote:

I've found that I randomly get sad and want to run after the AXBF and whine & cry and say "see me, just tell me I'm OK and that you care about me"

I'm dealing with this now. Wanting to rage and ask why I wasn't enough. I'm trying my best to do nothing and just deal with my emotions, remind myself I'm smart, strong, and competent, but I'm irritable and moody today and sad that I don't have people in my life that can tell me I'm lovable and that everything will be okay.

That person has to be me, I guess.

__________________
Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don't mean to do harm but the harm does not interest them. Or ...they justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves. -- T. S. Eliot

Yesterday, 12:41 PM

? #5 (permalink)

Member

Join Date: Dec 2010

Location: Midwest, USA

Posts: 530

Thank you.

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Yesterday, 12:55 PM

? #6 (permalink)

Living in a Pinkful Place

Join Date: May 2006

Location: Louisiana

Posts: 6,335

a good question that my sponsor gave me was "is this relationship mutually beneficial, in a healthy way?"

Keep taking good care of you!!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

__________________
". . . let the understanding, love and peace of the program grow in you One Day at a Time." From the Al-Anon Suggested Closing

It is very difficult to have a pity party when celebrating all the gratitude I have in my life!

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Yesterday, 03:54 PM

? #9 (permalink)

Earthworm

Join Date: Feb 2007

Location: Canada

Posts: 589

Just before I read this thread I was telling a friend of mine that I/m done with the magical thinking and the rose_coloured glasses and I read this thread and somebody mentioned rose coloured glasses. All the emotional stuff from childhood and expecting unavailable people to make my good feelings about myself.
Talk about giving my power away because I/m validating from the outside in rather than the inside out.