I have recently encouraged a friend of mine to leave her abusive partner because she would always cover herself with make up and hoodies. I told my husband about this situation and he suggested that I remove myself from the equation and we got into an argument because I felt like he was supporting the abuser.
My husband said that he does not want his wife involve in something that has nothing to do with me and he will hurt a mofo if harm come my way. In some way, I am touched but still mad at him because I feel like if it was his sisters or mother...he would be like Boko Haram with atomic bombs. Why is it when it is someone that is not family...men will turn their heads?
My friend won't press charges and I am afraid for her children. She has two girls and one boy. She shared with me that her son is imitating the abuser by threatening to kill her and she need to sleep with one eye open. That bothers me because I know if she doesn't get out...she will be in a body bag.
I have successfully helped women get out of abusive relationship because their families were involved but she has not family that live in our region. She moved from her hometown to be with her partner and I was introduced to her by a survivor. This is exactly what she looks like and it is no lie.
How can a woman or man get out of an abusive relationship and do you think it is easy to do so even with a sure way out?
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You don't need to get out of domestic violence, its for better for worse sister.
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Mrs.Chima:NO!!! I am on HEAT.Why would I be in an abusive relationship encouraging someone else to get out
Are you on your period?
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Temporary separation?
Mrs.Chima:Nope I've never been in any.
Have you ever been in a domestic violence relationship and if so, how did you remove yourself from it?
Mrs.Chima:Emm...not really.
Have you ever helped someone remove themselves from an abusive relationship?
Mrs.Chima:From my thoughts and views...I feel domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only...to gain and maintain total control over you.
What are your thoughts on domestic violence in marriage or dating?
Mrs.Chima:Well...you did the right thing (by asking her to leave), I mean...you cannot allow a spouse to treat you poorly, or you?ll wind up hating yourself, your mate, your relationship and your life.? Since your husband is unlikely to change his behavior without being forced into it, it?s going to be up to you to enforce changes in your marriage.?
I have recently encouraged a friend of mine to leave her abusive partner because she would always cover herself with make up and hoodies.
Mrs.Chima:If your husband asks you to refrain yourself from that subject, then obey him and avoid bringing it up so peace can reign in your home.
I told my husband about this situation and he suggested that I remove myself from the equation and we got into an argument because I felt like he was supporting the abuser.
Mrs.Chima:He's right you know...what happens in their home is actually none of your business.
My husband said that he does not want his wife involve in something that has nothing to do with me and he will hurt a mofo if harm come my way.
Mrs.Chima:Note the bolded...some men just prefer to stay away from other people's territories. They hate engaging themselves in battles that have nothing to do with them or their loved ones. I won't blame him for that.
In some way, I am touched but still mad at him because I feel like if it was his sisters or mother ...he would be like Boko Haram with atomic bombs. Why is it when it is someone that is not family...men will turn their heads?
If you feel much concern for her, then you can report the matter to the authorities (police, court etc)
Mrs.Chima:Are you sure you've convinced her enough? She has been assaulted physically and according to the law, she definitely deserves justice.
My friend won't press charges and I am afraid for her children.
Her children is not the issue here...the issue is that she deserves the right to a happy life, she deserves peace of mind...that which her husband has denied her of. So I feel it would be proper if she takes legal action against him.
If she's a christian, she can take the case to God, but in the mean time she must rise up and fight for her right as a woman.
Mrs.Chima:I thought you said you advised her to leave the house for a while?
She has two girls and one boy. She shared with me that her son is imitating the abuser by threatening to kill her and she need to sleep with one eye open. That bothers me because I know if she doesn't get out...she will be in a body bag.
Don't tell me she's still in that house.
Mrs.Chima:I couldn't actually comprehend your statement here...but from the look of things, it seems you're her hero. I'm sure she would forever be grateful to you.
I have successfully helped women get out of abusive relationship because their families were involved but she has not family that live in our region. She moved from her hometown to be with her partner and I was introduced to her by a survivor. This is exactly what she looks like and it is no lie.
Mrs.Chima:Well...there're many ways, she can decide to pack her things and leave if her partner is a threat to her life.
How can a woman or man get out of an abusive relationship and do you think it is easy to do so even with a sure way out?
She can go for counseling. Counseling therapy has been proven over the decades to be a way to help the situation...but most couples refuse the counseling method. They refuse outside help thinking they can work it out or iron their own differences out. Maybe they're ashamed to tell people (their friends and families) what they're going through.
What you should or rather she should note is that if you don't train yourselves to look at your arguments as a couple in a more constructive way then chances are you are bound to repeat the same mistakes again and again, until you all get tired and frustrated with the same resurfacing of the problem.
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I dont get why some women will stay with an abusive woman. Its something I am desperately trying to understand
Mynd_44: I dont get why some women will stay with an abusive woman. Its something I am desperately trying to understand
Mynd... It is difficult to convince some women to leave their abusers. I also have seen men that were abused by their women as well. It is more common then we know but it is happening in silence.
She doesn't have any family members in our area that she can go to for a while. But I have offered to pay for a hotel since she is not allowed to stay at our home. My husband wants no parts of it.
I am mad at him for that but he is my husband so I say nothing else to him about it.
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CrazyMan:
Nope I've never been in any.Emm...not really.
From my thoughts and views...I feel domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only...to gain and maintain total control over you.
Well...you did the right thing (by asking her to leave), I mean...you cannot allow a spouse to treat you poorly, or you?ll wind up hating yourself, your mate, your relationship and your life.? Since your husband is unlikely to change his behavior without being forced into it, it?s going to be up to you to enforce changes in your marriage.?
If your husband asks you to refrain yourself from that subject, then obey him and avoid bringing it up so peace can reign in your home.
He's right you know...what happens in their home is actually none of your business.
Note the bolded...some men just prefer to stay away from other people's territories. They hate engaging themselves in battles that have nothing to do with them or their loved ones. I won't blame him for that.
If you feel much concern for her, then you can report the matter to the authorities (police, court etc)
Are you sure you've convinced her enough? She has been assaulted physically and according to the law, she definitely deserves justice.
Her children is not the issue here...the issue is that she deserves the right to a happy life, she deserves peace of mind...that which her husband has denied her of. So I feel it would be proper if she takes legal action against him.
If she's a christian, she can take the case to God, but in the mean time she must rise up and fight for her right as a woman.
I thought you said you advised her to leave the house for a while?
Don't tell me she's still in that house.
I couldn't actually comprehend your statement here...but from the look of things, it seems you're her hero. I'm sure she would forever be grateful to you.
Well...there're many ways, she can decide to pack her things and leave if her partner is a threat to her life.
She can go for counseling. Counseling therapy has been proven over the decades to be a way to help the situation...but most couples refuse the counseling method. They refuse outside help thinking they can work it out or iron their own differences out. Maybe they're ashamed to tell people (their friends and families) what they're going through.
What you should or rather she should note is that if you don't train yourselves to look at your arguments as a couple in a more constructive way then chances are you are bound to repeat the same mistakes again and again, until you all get tired and frustrated with the same resurfacing of the problem.
The part where you didn't understand my statement...I said that I have helped women leave their abusive partners but for some reason I can't convince her to leave her partner. She is left her hometown to be with him so she doesn't have family members she can call in the area.
Hope you understand now.
I get your point but I find it hard to stomach. Domestic violence is simply evil.
I know of an instance where the man actually beated his pregnant wife to death
Mynd_44: I get your point but I find it hard to stomach. Domestic violence is simply evil.
I know of an instance where the man actually beated his pregnant wife to death
Wow. My husband also said in NIgeria...people do not get involve in couple's disputes. But at what point is enough is enough when a woman is walking around with black eyes and swollen lips?
Why doesn't he just leave her and set her free?
Mrs.Chima:She should set herself freeWow. My husband also said in NIgeria...people do not get involve in couple's disputes. But at what point is enough is enough when a woman is walking around with black eyes and swollen lips?
Why doesn't he just leave her and set her free?
Mrs.Chima:Ok...now I do.
The part where you didn't understand my statement...I said that I have helped women leave their abusive partners but for some reason I can't convince her to leave her partner. She is left her hometown to be with him so she doesn't have family members she can call in the area.Hope you understand now.
Wao that's a hell of a sacrifice she made (living in a town with no single family member)
Let me ask...since you desperately want to help this lady, have you thought about meeting her husband before? (I would advise you to go alone if at all you want to engage him in a conversation) What kind of person is he? Does he drink? Is he on drugs?
If you want to help this poor lady, there are many ways you can do it.
*Kails*:No sirrrrrr.
trust, Everything about me or on me is 100 percent real.
Nothing do you.
Mrs.Chima:This is not a intimate topic. ?Comot for here! ?
Haba, I contributed, before I got errm *coughs* distracted. I mentioned advising her to go on a trial separation, probably with an ultimatum for the guy to change his ways else it becomes permanent.?
I guess you could also take pictures of her and post to family members instead of that Rihanna pic. Alternatively, get them to lure her home for a visit, then prevent her from going back until the partner comes around.
I have stopped wondering what goes on in some female minds since I was told by one she likes it when her bf beats her a little, call it a fetish or whatever.
At the end of the day, it's her decision to stay or go. Even though you care, you can't make it for her, only point her in the right direction.
Mynd_44:
She should set herself free
He wont let her.
CrazyMan:
Ok...now I do.Wao that's a hell of a sacrifice she made (living in a town with no single family member)
Let me ask...since you desperately want to help this lady, have you thought about meeting her husband before? (I would advise you to go alone if at all you want to engage him in a conversation) What kind of person is he? Does he drink? Is he on drugs?
If you want to help this poor lady, there are many ways you can do it.
I have met her husband and he works in construction. You are not allow to drink nor smoke drugs on construction contracts in my area. If you dropped dirty..you are fired.
What other ways i can help her but talk to her and offer to help pay for hotel? I have to watch my hubby as well....he want me to mind my business.
I cant call the police if she wont press charges and have no evidence of child abuse. They wont do poo without such.
Mrs.Chima:What does that mean? She can get a divorce, move somewhere else and if all fails report him to the authorities and get him locked away. She is the one holding herselfHe wont let her.
Mrs.Chima:I see...so his abrasive nature is inbuilt. He isn't being controlled by any drugs or drinks.
I have met her husband and he works in construction. You are not allow to drink nor smoke drugs on construction contracts in my area. If you dropped dirty..you are fired.
I guess the woman is at fault then. She can't claim not to have noticed his true nature until now...I guess she was a victim of the phrase " love is blind "
I still feel for her though...but its obvious that either the man doesn't love her any more or he's gradually going insane.
Mrs.Chima:Yea I remembered you stating earlier that your husband is against your hospitality towards that lady. Like I stated before, I won't blame him...the matter really isn't any of your business.
What other ways i can help her but talk to her and offer to help pay for hotel? I have to watch my hubby as well....he want me to mind my business.
Moreover, if you know that getting so involved in this case might cost you your marriage, I would suggest that you harken unto the voice of thine husband and stay the hell out.
As for your friend, if you live close by, quietly call 911 next time you hear an altercation. Women that continue to remain in abusive relationships need to be saved from themselves. She might be killed one day, and you will have guilt in your heart.
MarcAnthon: Chima, you still alive?As for your friend, if you live close by, quietly call 911 next time you hear an altercation. Women that continue to remain in abusive relationships need to be saved from themselves. She might be killed one day, and you will have guilt in your heart.
You didnt die from a STD yet
You are a strong brother.1 Like
Source: http://www.nairaland.com/1057997/domestic-violence-relationships
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